Design Post-Divorce: Reclaiming Home, Reclaiming Yourself

Marriage and partnerships can sometimes come with restrictions, not just on a personal level but also on how we express ourselves in our living spaces. Often, the home reflects the tastes and desires of a dominant partner, and this can be especially true for those who have endured relationships with narcissistic or controlling individuals. In these situations, compromises are made which can impact sense of identity, aesthetic preferences, and comfort.

Both men and women can be victims and perpetrators of domestic violence and emotional abuse, tragically this is a common reality for many people in Australia today. It’s reported that one in four women and one in sixteen men have experienced violence at the hands of a partner, enduring not only physical or emotional trauma but also a suppression of their individualism. Living with a narcissistic partner often means walking on eggshells—sacrificing your own desires, whether it’s for peace or simply to survive. The beige walls, neutral tones, and uninspiring interiors that may fill these homes become a reflection of the emotional suppression experienced in these relationships.

The choice of colours, materials, and objects that surround us have a powerful effect on how we feel about ourselves. But for those living under the control of an abusive partner, the home is often the first place where self-expression is stifled with spaces reflecting the partner’s personality and desires—spaces devoid of colour, creativity, and joy. Over time, this repression can lead to self-doubt, loss of confidence, and a deep disconnection from one’s own sense of identity.

On leaving these relationships, it is more than a step out of emotional or physical control—it is also a step into the possibility of rediscovering self and ones personal aesthetic. For many, embarking on this new life becomes an opportunity to embrace bold, exciting, and meaningful changes in their environment. It’s about more than just picking out new furniture or painting a wall; it’s about rediscovering the parts of themselves that were suppressed for so long.

Grace’s Journey: From Restriction to Radiance

Take, for example, a client of mine—let’s call her “Grace.” Like many women who have come out the other side of an abusive relationship, Grace found herself standing at a crossroads, ready to rebuild her life. After a drawn-out and emotionally exhausting court battle after a long term marriage to a narcassistic partner, she moved from a grand, sprawling mansion into a tiny 100-year-old one-bedroom cottage, along with a small guest bungalow. Both spaces were in desperate need of repair and imagination.

This wasn’t just a physical transition for Grace; it was a metaphorical one. Her new life was beginning in a space that, like her, had weathered years of wear but had incredible potential waiting to be unleashed. It wasn’t just about downsizing, it was about rediscovering herself—her identity, her strength, and her sense of joy.

Together, we took on the challenge of transforming her new home. With limited space and a lot of character, the cottage and bungalow required creative spatial planning to meet her practical needs. But more importantly, they needed to reflect Grace’s personality, which had long been stifled. We embraced a maximalist style, bursting with colour, vibrancy, and energy—the very opposite of the beige, lifeless interiors she had endured in her past. This new design allowed her to express herself freely, filling her home with the bold patterns, rich textures, and vibrant hues that celebrated her journey.

It was a design process filled with excitement and emotion. Every fabric, wallpaper, and piece of furniture became a declaration of Grace’s newfound freedom and self-expression. The result was nothing short of spectacular—a home that feels alive, full of spirit, and unapologetically hers. Her cottage now stands as a symbol of her resilience and joy, a testament to how far she has come from a life of suppression to one where she is truly free to be herself.

Creating a Sanctuary: Reclaiming Agency and Joy

After leaving an isolating marriage or partnership, especially one marked by control or abuse, the idea of starting over—of creating a new space that reflects your identity—can feel overwhelming. For many, the home has been a place where self-expression was stifled, often enduring that journey alone, without support or validation. The idea of making choices, of embracing their own tastes, can be both exciting and terrifying.

This is where my role becomes more than just that of an interior designer. I hold space for these women and men, guiding them through the emotional and creative process of discovering what truly brings them joy. It’s a deeply personal journey, where we explore not just colors, textures, and furniture, but also the feelings and memories tied to these choices. It’s about giving them the freedom to explore, without the fear of judgment or repercussions that they may have faced in their past.

Working with any client is always an intimate experience—we are, after all, shaping their homes, their personal sanctuaries. But with women or men who have come out of abusive or controlling relationships, this intimacy deepens. Together, we unpack the fear of making decisions, of expressing themselves, and we replace it with confidence. There is no wrong choice, no consequence to picking a bold color or an unconventional style. The process becomes about empowerment, as they learn to trust their own judgment and rediscover agency over their environment.

The home, once a place of emotional confinement, begins to transform into a true sanctuary—a place where they can feel safe, free, and fully themselves. Watching this transformation unfold is one of the most rewarding parts of my work. It’s not just about creating beautiful interiors; it’s about helping women and men reclaim their spaces—and, in doing so, reclaim their lives.